Alcohol, promiscuous sexual endeavors & over-exercising fed this toxic cycle for my self-confidence, yet it was the only way I felt I could get out of my head & into my body.

From bongs & spinning to becoming a movement scientist, this video runs deep into ma 11 years as a personal trainer & how MBP grew into Cannabis Fitness.

&& literally, look like this lol

Chilling on da beach in the sun one moment & the next a thunderstorm!

Feeling it ALL and yet still choosing if I wanna soak in the storm or dance in it.

On Tuesday I wrote a post about trusting yourself even when you don't know what that looks likes.

& after this morning, I'm pretty sure it looks a lot like this meme...LMAO

What I mean is I used to be afraid to drive on the highway.

Everytime I got in the car and knew I had to be on the highway, I'd start panicking.

All the "what if's" would overwhelm me & I'd be in a state of flight or fight in no time.

Sweating.
Paranoid.
Neurotic & on-edge.

I was stuck in the "do" phase for years and wondered why the f*ck things were never working out for me.

Confused, depressed, anxious, and so upset with the world for not reciprocating my needs, I felt abandoned.

Establishing your mental, physical, emotional, spiritual & financial needs on your own is SO healthy.

It can catch you feeling like you just launched into outer space and you're on a journey back to earth. 🛸

Binging and purging were what I built my intimate relationships around.

Binge on the pleasure of someone and then experience the pain of not having them around.

& repeat.

I let others binge and purge me emotionally because I treated myself the same way.

Facedown in an upward facing dog this morning, I found myself contemplating trust & where I felt a lack of it.

This solo dolo adventure this past month has brought so much of my old beliefs to the surface. Today especially, heightening a pondering thought.

Where is the line between putting myself first and also honoring others?