How Fitness, Cannabis, and Nature Healed My Eating Disorder

The first time I used cannabis was the same day I came out about my bulimia. On my way to Dunkin’ Donuts after smoking with friends, I found myself passed out behind the wheel from a panic attack. 

My journey with cannabis had just begun.

Unconscious in my car after hopping a curb in the parking lot, my friends ran over to make sure I was okay. Waking to them yelling in my face and pulling on my clothes, I came to in a daze. At the same time, my mom received a pleasant phone call from a family friend that was also the school deputy. 

As she came to the rescue that morning and asked what the hell was going on, I finally came out about my bulimia. That same day I got into therapy and I was prescribed antidepressants. From that moment forward I was terrified of cannabis because of the way I had reacted to it and what it had revealed to me. 

Six months later, I met my boyfriend; he smoked frequently, had his life together, and used cannabis therapeutically for anxiety. Spiking my curiosity, I gave this majestic plant another go. Each smoke session I'd experience eye-opening reality checks as if I was looking at my life through a whole new lens. 

I'd notice the inauthenticity of my character and where my personality inside didn't quite match with my outward expression. These moments were terrifying, yet life-changing for me.

I'll never forget the day during a solitude smoke sesh where I became so overwhelmed by my emotions that I threw all my cannabis out the window.

Convincing myself that the cannabis made me feel that way, I wasn't ready to accept the fact that it was me all along; the cannabis was just bringing it to the surface for me to face. It had a unique way of illuminating my body image disorder, exposing my negative thinking habits, and revealing how I was addicted to exercise. 

A year later, I decided to get off my antidepressants. From the support of my family and the frequent therapeutic experiences I had using cannabis, I felt ready to handle life without medication. 

At that time, I was in school for personal training and I started experimenting with cannabis during my workouts. It seemed so exciting, yet intimidating, I knew it was something special in it’s own.

It soon became my new pre-workout ritual!

I loved the stamina it gave me as well as how it inspired creativity in my workouts. 

Six months later, I would find myself in Boulder, Colorado exploring the mountains, yoga, and, of course, more cannabis. That year, Colorado passed Amendment 64 and I grew my first plant. 

Leaving home & heading west to Colorado 2012 (madre love)

At the time, I was working as a personal trainer at Colorado University. I would hit my bong, bike to CU, and teach exercise classes to students, professors, and even the men's rugby & lacrosse team.

Cannabis was my go-to for being mentally present in my classes and aided in the physical relief for my body while teaching 16 classes a week. 

I kept this little secret to myself since I felt I was breaking some sort of rule in my profession. 

As summer came around, we relocated from our apartment in Boulder to an off-grid cabin in the mountains. Curious as to if it were a lifestyle we could handle, we spent the summer with solar power, no running water, and a porta-potty. 

It was legit, needless to say. 

Cabin Days Summer 2013’ Jamestown, Colorado (Kudi the Kid)

Life was taking me on a journey back to nature as I see it now. Using cannabis while living close to nature brought more insights into what mattered most to me. 

My family, my health, living life simply, and facing my shadows became the center of focus for me.

After two years in Colorado, we relocated back home to Naples, Florida in order to save money for our dream of living a self-sustainable life in Oregon. Spring of 2014, we found ourselves in Scotts Mills, Oregon, a small town in the pacific northwest. 

Over the next four years, we accumulated a flock of 12 chickens, two ducks, too many rabbits to count, and a handful of cannabis plants. We grew our food and bartered for meat, creating a little farm to call our own.  

Yurt Livin’ Molalla, Oregon (poop bucket days)

In 2014 Mind Body Physique was founded. Teaching as a fitness professional and holistic lifestyle consultant while taking care of our little farm, I’d work from home and travel to meet clients. 

During those times, cannabis had become more of a nutritional dietary source. I didn't feel ready to experience her medicinal, subconscious healing. Instead, I'd craft teas from the leaves and add the raw plant material to meals while my boyfriend cured the flowers to be smoked.

A piece of me felt very complete in this lifestyle and deep inside it felt authentic to live such a way, yet still, I was mentally struggling. 

Constantly, I was flooded by social anxiety, thoughts of paranoia, and sleep paralysis. After suffering from horrible menstrual cramps, I decided to dive deeper into understanding my menstrual cycle. Studying the ancient ways of re-balancing my hormones with herbs, therapeutic rituals, and the lunar cycles, I would notice similarities within nature. 

Life, death, and rebirth would become the framework for my monthly cycles. 

Learning about my period in this way helped relieve my premenstrual symptoms. It became a guide for navigating my emotions each month and a way to check in with my personal needs as a woman. 

Mind Body Physique 2014’ (ovulate & create)

I'd value my follicular and ovulation phase by using that energy to "put in the work" knowing towards my premenstrual phase I'd want to sleep, eat, and be left in solitude. 

Working with this natural cycle of my hormones empowered me. Every month it would be consistent which helped build a foundation I could trust within myself. 

Farm life, running a business, and working with my menstrual cycle became my lifestyle. 

Everything seemed to be perfect, besides my anxiety. It was still there. I craved something more than what we had built in Oregon. Knowing I had it all, but I still had things to learn, in the fall of 2017, I said bye to our little farm and my boyfriend as I returned to Florida with nothing but my dog.

For those two years, I stepped away from Mind Body Physique and went back to school while working as a personal trainer in my hometown. 

Landing a 40-week mentorship with the Gray Institute, I was educated on how to exercise the body for operating in a three-dimensional world. 

Not long after, cannabis had returned once again, this time in edible form. Ready to face the shadows I ran from while being in Oregon, I welcomed it back into my movement practice. 

That summer, I explored micro-dosing cannabis edibles with my new education in movement, making my practical's a real thing. I would spend hours breaking down the biomechanics of my body with cannabis, music, and the gym.

Florida, Summer 2018’ (edible 3D practicals)

I lost 10 pounds, my sleep quality was like being a kid again, and my anxiety was under control for the first time in a long time. 

Fascinated by my results, I would study the endocannabinoid system and educate myself on the research behind cannabis and health. I found myself writing for CBD companies and working for cannabis educational institutions to design certification programs. 

Spring of 2019, I found myself moving once again to the west coast, landing in San Diego, California. Planted in SoCal gave me the confidence to follow my passion for cannabis and fitness without any shame. 

So here I am today, high at a coffee shop sharing my story of how fitness, cannabis, and nature helped me win the battle of my eating disorder and build a balanced, healthy lifestyle that I can trust. 

San Diego, California Hemp Culture Expo 2020’