Today I was inspired to create a bio about myself & what has led me into this life path of adventure, healing & wholeness.
So here it goes....
When you look into the mirror do you smile back at all the scars your body holds? & do you truly love every inch of yourself? 6 years ago I couldn't say I did. I couldn't look at my TRUE self, my scars, because I wasn't there. I had become lost into what the world wanted me to be. Not what I, Kendra, wanted to be in my life time. I struggled with Depression, Bulimia, Drug Abuse and emotional instability. From the outside you could never tell that I held an ocean of pain within my being. I tried waves of methods to find "happiness". Therapist to therapist, anti-depression medications and so on. But after years of trying to fix my wounds - I looked at my mom after she asked "Your still not happy are you sweetie?" I replied, "Mom, - I'm just numb."
That numbness of life was something that transformed me.
I met a man through that numbness, he held so much truth up to my face, that I had no other option then to honestly look at myself in the mirror. No more running, no more covering up my dark side. It was here & ready for me and only me to do the motherfucking work. Self transformation, self empowerment - every little dose of truth I begin to discover about myself & the world around me uncovered the next step for me to take.
I stopped therapy, I got off my depression medication, & let me tell you - if you think your crazy.. you don't know what crazy is until you stop a pharmaceutical medication. But this was just the beginning - I had to take responsibility for myself & my actions for once in my life. What I had realized with going to therapy, taking medications etc. is that THEY CANNOT & WILL NOT EVER "fix you". And that method of therapy doesn't work for me, I needed RAW truth, guidance, and a whole different approach to healing. I learned If I didn't want to become a victim of this self destruction, I had to change. Not just my thoughts, but my environment, my diet, my friends, & everything that had kept me running in this loop for 6 years.
So I did - I became honest with myself, and the world around me too. I discovered that if I can change myself. Others can too. Others don't have to live like I did. But the real question was - are others ready for a life transformation? Not many people are ready to change themselves I learned, until they get a glimpse of death.
When I got that glimpse of death - I knew it wasn't my time yet. That I had a mission here in this lifetime.
I'm a messenger.
So with self-empowerment & my man by side + not to mention my family and a few close friends (you all know who you are) I moved to Colorado, I learned so much about life & what I wanted from it. I learned how important family & friends are to me and how much they inspire me everyday to become nothing but myself. In Colorado, my man, our pup & I lived in a mystical Cabin at 9,000 feet above Boulder, during our last few months in the Rockies. That summer..... has been one of highlights of my 23 years. No electricity, running water, an outhouse and nothing but a view of the innate wilderness surrounding us. It's a once in a life time experience if you ask me. Dreams flooded my mind in the silence & solitude of the cabin. I learned my next step in life, we both did. We knew what we wanted to become and what needed to be done.
We left for Florida on Sept. 7th 2013 and on that day Boulder received it's Eight days, 1,000-year rain, 100-year flood. Our little cabin on the top of Golden Age hill would of kept us stranded if we would of stayed any longer than Sept.7th. As we drove away from the mountains a huge black cloud covered the mountains. That's when we learned to trust our intuition 100%. & thank god that we did.
Living back in Florida took me to the second half of sealing my wounds - I was faced with the temptations to revert back into my old ways + a few more challenges. I came from making less then $200 a month in CO, to making $2,000 every two weeks in Naples. Working at a high class country club as a Personal Trainer & Fitness Instructor, I had "made it" If I kept this up I could be debt free, live without having to worry about money & support my family. But even though I made more money - I was not happy. I had less time, more stress, responsibilities & got caught up in the superficial Naples living. That wasn't me, I wanted the Kendra roaming in her bare skin on the top of a mountain, doing dishes out of a plastic storage container & dancing as the sunset into the next day. I was at bliss in those simple moments. So that's where we decided to take that next step, the step that would soon become a true place of home & freedom. Oregon. Why Oregon? It rains all the time? People would constantly say to us. Yup, it rains a shit ton. But did we all forget that we need the rain to grow? To have a green abundance?
We went to Oregon because we believe in growing our own food & taking responsibility for what we consume. You can't do that in Colorado, it's dry & water is something you'd have to consider when growing food. Oregon, has the rain, the sunshine, the climate to grow honestly just about everything. It's paradise. The beach, the mountains, you have it all.
So when we moved out here it became another life shock. I had so much confidence from being a top trainer in Naples to barely being able to get a job at the local gym in a small town. Small towns are close circles - they don't just let anyone in, and they sure as hell weren't going to let a Free Spirited youngster with more experience then them themselves run the show.
I said F this, I don't want to work for people that are going to tell me how to run my fitness philosophy anyways. With months of going without a paycheck & instilled fear of, " I can't run my own business, what if I fail?" Mind Body Physique was born - a name that came to me about 5 years ago when dreaming of a gym that had it all, weights, yoga, cycling, holistic approach to health and so on. It's here today and it's THRIVING!
Sure I might not make $2,000 every two weeks, but who needs all that money anyways? You just end up giving it all away in the end to bills and more expenses. I have enough to live within my needs and that makes me thankful everyday. So, now in my free time, I write, hike, garden, dance, read, and work with fucking amazing individuals everyday on creating a life of wholeness.
This journey brings me to tears when I think of how much I have grown into a young woman, how I took a leap of faith of going outside of the norm & found myself. Now I look into the mirror with the same intention of looking at a loved one. Unconditional. Wholeness. and Compassion that, I'm only 23 and this is just the start of the rest of my life.