The layers within myself are coming undone.
As the northern hemisphere moves into the barren of winter - so am I.
My shadows are revealing every inch of my being at this moment of transition and it feels as if my roots are taking hold onto something new. My soul is telling me that their isn't much more to give at this time, but to open and receive what the past months have brought into my life.
Within these past few months, my body and mind have been connecting in a undefinable way - it's as if they're finally on the same page, witnessing the story from the a new perspective and comprehending what needs to be heard.
At first, these words were not in my vocabulary. My body fought back in relentless stomach aches, intense knots in my back, headaches and hellish nightmares.
Something was off and I knew I needed to dig deeper.
So, I did.
I looked to the trees as they lost their leaves and to the birds as they dissipated from the sky.
To the sun, as he hides his face for days at a time and to the rain that hydrates the rivers, lakes and vegetation around me.
I'm a replica of nature when I looked to my environment for guidance.
Here is a little piece of poetry I wrote during one of my day's of seeking understanding,
I call it -
Between earth & space.
"My mind works like the sky,
Some days it’s sunless, concealed and engulfing,
Twisted – Unsure of all things including myself.
Other days my head is flowing into the atmosphere and the sun bearing my soul;
Elevated – On the way to nirvana I can’t settle into just being, I must build.
And at night, the darkness fades back into my thoughts, but only with the intention to
Dream of what the sky will bring tomorrow."
Writing brings light into my thoughts and healing that has yet to be heard.
Through poetry, writing and other means of expression I learned when I paused my thoughts of what I wanted from life, I realized that it was right in front of my face.
I became closer with my heart, my mind surrendered; forced to compose thoughts that no longer serve me any purpose.
This is what I mean by, "my roots are establishing"
and it feels so fucking good.
Now, it wasn't just a sit back and meditate type of process. I changed a handful of daily activities I've been doing for some time now. Here's a few of them:
I started regularly running again, which in the end, helped settle my endless anxiety.
I've been running since I was 13 - up and down my street I would run everyday, sometimes twice a day (my youthful & crazy past-self). But as time went on, I created new interests that gave me a break from running. Just recently I reconnected with my body on why I used to love running so much and decided to give it another shot. Three months later I reap the benefits of re-kindling the flame with my lost love of running.
I'm eating breakfast religiously every morning.
I started skipping out of my breakfast for sometime now, I would start my workout just about 2 hours after waking up and eventually it evolved into 'saving my breakfast for after my workouts'; Hmm that was a shitty mistake. I had low energy, fatigue, and I'd get a stomach ache after about every meal I consumed. So I changed back to my original routine of eating at least something with my tall glass of water and coffee in the morning. It didn't only help with my energy, but also helped regulate my hormones and re-amp my adrenals!
Less social media, more writing, reading & socializing with my loved ones'.
First off, because I just have to get this out there - Fuck social media. It's a black hole into 'why the hell am I giving a rats ass about this'? Social media has it's positives Yes, but for me - it's too much for me at times. It brings too much invalid information, overexposure of peoples lives, and a distraction of the beauty outside of our phones. Every time I grab my phone for social media now I think to myself ,"what can I be doing instead of giving a fuck about other peoples lives"? Sounds harsh, but it works for me. I want to give a fuck about my OWN life, so I choose to instead; write my heart out on a piece of paper, grab a book and snuggle with my fluffy guy, and socialize with my loved ones outside of just social media.
Stop. Listen. and Receive.
These past few months has really pushed me outside of my comfort zone. I'm the type of person that has to be doing 3 things at once, whether it be physical or mentally tackling three different thoughts at one time. I'm a seeker, thinker and feeler - all at once. But when I step out of my mind and into my body, everything is silent, yet their is so much being said. I feel the love of everything around me and also within me. I find this is most rewarding when I'm talking to someone that's close to my heart; my partner, a close friend, family member or client - I'm able to listen not only to the words that are being spoken, but the pauses between each sentence, that uncovers the wisdom that stems from their heart. This is a priceless gift that each one of us can access if we choose to - just pause, listen & receive.
The seasons give me a reason to let go, they also give me motivation to start over. So today, I leave you with this simple reminder:
"The way is patterned on Nature" - Lao Tzu