"I closed my eyes and sunk into my seat, as my plane soared off into the clouds. Clenching my jaw and gripping my lucky crystal in my hands, I took in a deep breath and repeated the same words over and over again...
Just let go. Let go Kendra, you got this."
Moments like these arise often when I step outside my comfort zone. The feeling of being completely vulnerable, is new for me. I'm not speaking of the actual physical situation of being vulnerable, but instead, the intense feeling of being powerless, impotent and out-of-control. I realized that up until these past few years, I was completely blocking out these fierce emotions. I was fearful of the feeling of being downright defenseless.
Most people might think to themselves "Ah, why would you want to embrace those feelings anyways? Ignorance is bliss, right?" Of course. Experiencing deep, undefinable and uncomfortable emotions isn't for everyone...
Or is it?
Just like you - I wanted to be fearless. I wanted to stand on top of a mountain and look down without the rush of butterflies swarming my belly. Laugh at the face of the inevitable and just ride it out.
But as I grow and shove these undeniable emotions away into the back of my mind - their shadows still remain right around the corner. Like a monster living in your closet, or the boogie man under your bed. Hide your feet and cover your face with a blanket, they'll never get you.
But they got me, and once I looked them in the eyes and saw them for what they really are, I grew. And with that indisputable growth, I'm learning to let go of the darkness inside my closet.
You see, I thought that being in control with every task at hand is how we're supposed to function. That feeling fear makes you weak and inadequate in this lifetime. But I was wrong, my true power lies within pushing these fearful boundaries and whole-heartily diving into these feelings. Because on the other side of fear, is ecstasy.
If we step forward into what scares the living hell out of us, like a warrior going into battle. we also plummet into what makes us weak at our knees. To embrace both impressions of fear and love within each of us, we become whole.
To live without the other, would be like only experiencing one color of the rainbow. When each color shines bright in it's own powerful way, only then can we truly let go altogether.
"F.E.A.R has two meanings -
Forget Everything And Run.
Face Everything and Rise.
The choice is yours."